We are the weirdos
The outcasts
The quiet who scream within our walls
We come to watch, to learn,
and compose our own tunes to the rhythm of our hearts.
We watch, we learn,
We sit dumbfounded at the lives of men and the lies of them.
In our befuddlement we are lost
and then found.
From within our silent mulls we arise the answers to their questions.
Their solutions come to us because they are just too fast to hear the wind.
We stand.
We balance on the balls of our feet and inhale greatness and exhale nervousness
and our walls creak and cry at the weight of our souls until the cracks become too large and the cement bursts and our light spills out into the world as we breathe, we breathe, take that one final breath then scream.
Out loud this time.
All the answers we have found and the questions that come with them are compiled into spontaneous prose which sometimes rhyme and sometimes doesn't, and its truth. and it is light. and it is also dark. it is the center of the two.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Discovered Diary
Found a couple of trashed pages that seem to be ripped out from a diary. I'm fascinated by the writer's love and fears. Here are my favorite excerpts:
Sep 12, 2012
"I love her so very much and she loves me.
I feel almost guilty that I am so happy and I fear something will happen, something that will take away my happiness.
I fear this so much that I almost feel inclined to pray. I pray, I hope with every single fiber in my heart that I do not lose anymore loved ones. My heart cannot handle anymore pain."
Sep 17, 2012
"What if I don't accomplish everything I have planned?"
Sep 9, 2012
"G and I have been fighting alot.
[..]
I get scared when things like this happen because I thought love is all you need and I fear that there might be an underlining problem. I wish Nov. came sooner."
Oct 2, 2012 1:52 PM
"I've been having panic attacks. I get so scared and anxious for no reason at all. I'm afraid of losing everyone I care about."
Nov 19, 2012
"I remember waking up to the sound of Ba grinding coffee. I remember he would always let us grind coffee beans for him.
[...]
I remember when Ba would shave Bab and I would make RAZORS out of legos. Ba would put shaving cream on our faces and let us "shave" with him."
April 29, 2013
"Much has happened since my last post . Feeling depressed again. Not going to have a drinking problem again, promise."
June 2, 2013
"I'm losing grip with reality. I feel like I don't know what's real or what's my mind playing tricks on me. I don't know who I am.
I cannot handle the stress."
Sep 12, 2012
"I love her so very much and she loves me.
I feel almost guilty that I am so happy and I fear something will happen, something that will take away my happiness.
I fear this so much that I almost feel inclined to pray. I pray, I hope with every single fiber in my heart that I do not lose anymore loved ones. My heart cannot handle anymore pain."
Sep 17, 2012
"What if I don't accomplish everything I have planned?"
Sep 9, 2012
"G and I have been fighting alot.
[..]
I get scared when things like this happen because I thought love is all you need and I fear that there might be an underlining problem. I wish Nov. came sooner."
Oct 2, 2012 1:52 PM
"I've been having panic attacks. I get so scared and anxious for no reason at all. I'm afraid of losing everyone I care about."
Nov 19, 2012
"I remember waking up to the sound of Ba grinding coffee. I remember he would always let us grind coffee beans for him.
[...]
I remember when Ba would shave Bab and I would make RAZORS out of legos. Ba would put shaving cream on our faces and let us "shave" with him."
April 29, 2013
"Much has happened since my last post . Feeling depressed again. Not going to have a drinking problem again, promise."
June 2, 2013
"I'm losing grip with reality. I feel like I don't know what's real or what's my mind playing tricks on me. I don't know who I am.
I cannot handle the stress."
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